How to teach your kid NOT to be a racist
A few months ago, I was at an outdoor gathering and saw one of the guests staring at her phone behind a line of parked cars. Of course, that in itself wasn't unusual. After all, I have seen people do everything from strolling across a busy street to breakdancing while fixated on their phones. The only reason I thought anything of it at all is because that woman's baby was sitting right across from me on another person's lap. He was staring at me as he shoved tiny bits of food in his mouth.
"Where's your mom?" I asked him.
He continued staring at me as he shoved even more tiny bits of food in his mouth. Then the woman on whose lap he was sitting replied, "She's taking an online course on how to raise your child not to be racist."
"Oh." I said.
At the time, I couldn't think of anything else to say, at least nothing that wouldn't get me flogged with a chicken leg. But now that I think back, I hit myself on the head for being so insensitive, unhelpful, and inconsiderate. Instead of just sitting at that picnic table, grinning at the future NOT RACIST KID before me, I should have stood up, took him under my wing, and helped guide him through the NOT racist path to life.
This is what I would have said to him on his first day of my class: "Look, Kid, if you don't want to be a racist when you grow up, just remember two main things:
1) If someone asks you to join a club where the uniform looks like this (below), don't sign up.
These folks are called the Klu Klux Klan (KKK), a “white supremacist” group, which means they do not like African Americans, Jews, Asians, Hispanics, Catholics, Muslims, homosexuals, atheists – basically anyone who is not white.1 They believe that non-whites are of a lesser species than whites, which is why one of their primary goals is to prevent races from mixing with each other. Here it is in their own words: “Non-whites who reside in America should be expected to conduct themselves according to Christian principles and must recognize that race mixing is definitely wrong and out of the question.” Pretty simple, huh?
Although the KKK claims to be strongly rooted in Christian values, I don’t recall Jesus ever saying, “Blessed are the white people, for they are superior and therefore, should not be hanging with inferior mongrel races.” But that didn’t stop the KKK from engaging in all sorts of violent and underhanded activities to keep non-whites from intruding on their economic, political, and social circles. In the early nineteen hundreds, I guess a lot of white folks in America felt the same way because KKK membership was somewhere between three to six million! But as non-whites struggled for their right to be an equal part of society, and as Americans in general, became more enlightened as to the ignorance, cruelty, and lawlessness behind the KKK’s philosophy and tactics, their numbers began to dwindle. Today, KKK membership is down to a meager 3,000, which is a good thing for anyone who wants to avoid becoming a racist.
Chances are, you won’t even run into one of these fellas. But just in case…
The one great thing about the KKK is that they are relatively easy to spot because they almost always look angry. On top of that, they can be seen wearing that white sheet with the pointy top when it is not even Halloween. Recently, many Klan members have tried to disguise themselves as normal people (they might wear suits or shirts without sleeves so they can show off their swastika tattoos), but no matter what they have on, they still look pretty angry because it is really difficult to hide that much hate.
If you find yourself feeling unsure about whether or not a KKK member is in your midst, another thing you might do is to close your eyes, open your ears and listen for code words or phrases that might give them away. Here are a few examples: “The mongrel races have descended upon us," or “I don’t know if I hate those little Chinamen more than those damn queers,” and even, "Are you a Jew Boy or a weasel? Because frankly, I can’t tell the difference.” If you hear anything remotely close to that, just excuse yourself to “go potty” and get out of there.
OK. here is the next thing you’ll want to know if you want to avoid becoming a racist:
2) If someone asks you to join a club and he or she looks like this (above), don't sign up.
This club doesn't really have one name but a lot of different names, because they have tens of millions of members spread all across the country. They don’t show up for meetings in a white sheet with a pointy top, and they don't sound blatantly nuts when they speak (in general). SO, because of their keen ability to blend into normal society, these folks are a LOT more dangerous than the KKK to anyone who does not want to become a racist. But not to worry! There are a few tell-tale signs you can still use to identify them.
Although they do not have a standard outfit, many of these folks choose to look like well-dressed hippies, complete with uni-sex sandals, while others don the designer fashions on the Hollywood Boulevard. Sure, that seems way too broad a description, but my point is that this club’s power source is rooted in the intellectual and upper class, which is why their members won’t try to get you to put on a white sheet, light a cross in someone’s yard or scream “kill the mongrel races” out the window from a pick-up truck. However (take notes here because it is important), if an individual approaches you about enrolling in an ethnic or cultural studies course or strongly encourages you to read, “White Fragility,” don't even turn around—just run like hell in the other direction. If you can't get out of the area immediately, go to a seven-eleven or a doughnut shop. Stay away from upscale cafes, vegetarian, "health-conscious" restaurants, and stores that tout “diversity and sustainability.” Whatever you do, do NOT get near an outdoor poetry reading, because these people just LOVE poetry (especially the kind that does not rhyme).
For the sake of this lesson, I’ll call this club WAB (Whites Are Bad). As the name suggests, WAB believes that white people are inherently BAD or evil. In a way, it is the KKK, only in reverse. But unlike the KKK, whose pro-white philosophy is pretty much based on their screwed-up opinion of other race groups, the race philosophy of the WAB is rooted in history. To be more specific, WAB members use the history of oppression of non-whites by whites to justify racism against whites in modern society.
Now, I realize that all this might sound a little obscure to a kid who still isn’t potty trained. So, in order to demonstrate the WAB’s philosophy, I have dug up an exchange between a professor and student on the subject, that took place over three decades back at the University of Hawaii. Although that seems like a long time ago, the arguments remain alive and well today.
In 1990, a student at the University of Hawaii, Joey Carter, wrote a piece in the student newsletter, The Kaleo, complaining about racism against whites, or the “haole” in Hawaii.2 Carter wrote:
In Waianae, Kalihi, and Waikiki I've been chased and beaten by groups of locals who have been taught that I am the cause of their problems, taught to hate or fear my skin, hair, and eye color. I am the foreigner, the changer of things, the dominator.3
In response, then professor of Hawaiian studies, Haunani Trask, argued that what happened to Joey Carter was not racist at all if it is seen in the context of the history of oppression of non-whites by whites. Trask wrote that Carter is a "privileged member of American society because he is a haole, whether he acknowledges it or not. His very presence in Hawaii, and before that in Louisiana, is a luxury provided him through centuries of white conquest."
In lieu of the history of oppression of non-whites by white oppressors, Trask concludes that any animosity (or beatings) Carter receives from non-whites isn’t racism at all but “smart political sense honed by our deep historical wounding at the hands of the haole." In other words, those non-whites who chased and beat Joey Carter weren't committing drunken acts of racist violence at all but were making wise political moves in a society that has yet to be freed of white racism. See, WAB members argue that even if things may seem a lot more equal, white racism is still very much alive and well because it is embedded in the system. Nowadays, they call this “systemic racism.”
SO even if a Black President can now blow up as many people with a drone as a White President, don’t be fooled! The WAB claims there is an “invisible hand” lifting up whites and pushing down all others, which must be countered by real practices and policies aimed at privileging non-whites until everyone is on the same level.
Here are a few real practices and policies promoted by WAB members to combat “systemic racism” in America:
1) As it was in the case of Joey Carter, whites must kneel down and take verbal and physical beatings from non-whites, who are just trying to make "smart political sense." And whatever happens, whites must not call the police for help, because the police are in fact, part of the system of white racism. Even if the number of unjustified police killings of Blacks hit a record low in 2019, the unjust killing of George Floyd (who had enough drugs in him to kill an elephant) by a white police officer nullifies the legitimacy of any data that shows anything other than the fact that the police are part of a system of white racism in America.4
2) White capitalists must allow non-whites to trespass on their property and steal their stuff as part of the equalization process. Since the capitalist system is inherently racist against non-whites, the distribution of Nike shoes among the oppressed is part and parcel of the liberation process. And if a white capitalist has the gall to defend himself and any non-white person gets injured, that white person must immediately be arrested and convicted for his crimes, regardless of intent, because what he did was racist. Oh—and if that happens, non-whites get to loot his store again and take all the Adidas, as well.5
3) Whites must learn the correct version of history, which makes a clear distinction between whites as "bad" and non-whites as "good." Even if the reader recognizes that some of the historical details have been left out or twisted beyond recognition to fit into the (non-white)good/(white)bad dichotomy, he must quickly purge any doubt from his mind and accept the non-white version of the past, because to question anything written by or about people of color, is racist.6
4) Whites must put off any ideas or plans to "make a better life" for themselves and their families, at least until white racism is completely out of the system (we will let you know when that is). So if any white person even thinks about putting on a tux or gown and running out to a MET Gala…think again! Faced with an evening of lavish appetizers, champagne, and highfalutin contacts, the right thing to do would be for a white ticket holder to hand over their spot to a person of color. The same goes for a better job, a better house, a better country club, or admission to a better university. Because not only must white adults make sacrifices to destroy systemic racism in America, but their children must also say goodbye to the benefits of hard work and academic/athletic achievement in the name of ending systemic racism in America.
5) If you are white and you have an opinion about a current issue that contradicts the beliefs of the WAB club, you must suck it up and shut up. In all likelihood, you are wrong, anyway, because you are white. But even if you think you are right, you must not let an insignificant thing like Truth, get in the way of justice for non-whites because to do so is racist. 7
6) If an individual challenges the legitimacy/claims of WAB, you must go on the attack! It does not matter who this person is—it could be your long-time friend (who once pulled you out of a burning building and bailed you out of prison) or closest relative. Even if the detractor is your sweet grandmother, who took you in when your parents abandoned you on the street, none of this matters. If he/she launches an attack on the beliefs of the WAB, you must attack them or at the very least, purge them from your life forever and ever. Otherwise, you will be inadvertently supporting systemic racism, which is racist.
7) OK. This is probably the most crucial point: If you are out and about and experience peaceful, harmonious mingling between whites and non-whites, do not be fooled! Any and all experiences of racial harmony should NEVER be used to inform your ideas on race and especially, systemic racism in America. The fact is, it does not matter if you didn’t have much of a racial hierarchy in your brain before you learned about systemic racism in America. Systemic racism IS REAL and just because you can’t see, hear or feel it, it doesn’t mean it does not exist! It just means that you were ignorant and now, you are not. In any case, just remember that to question the existence of systemic racism is racist itself, which in fact PROVES it exists.
To conclude this lesson on “How NOT to be a racist,” I’ll just say this:
Obviously, it is a lot easier to avoid becoming a KKK kind of racist because there aren’t a lot of them left, their outfits are not very stylish and neither is their philosophy. I don’t have to tell you that in modern-day human culture, Adolph Hitler and David Duke AIN’T COOL. The REAL danger today, is the racism of the WAB club because (just about) everyone wants to be a hero, everyone wants to do their part to make up for the historical crimes committed against non-whites in America. And if that’s not enough of a draw, the idea that you can call people names (white people, at least), beat them up, and not get put in a time out because you did what you did to "fight systemic racism in America,” must be difficult to resist. I mean, why would anyone pass up that kind of feel-good fun?
But despite all temptations, you can still avoid becoming a racist by simply closing your eyes, holding your hands over your ears, and completely shutting yourself off from the world. But if sticking your head in the sand for the rest of your life isn’t an option, just remember the age-old weapons the ancients once used to slay their dragons: rational thought and common sense.
Good Luck!
The KKK promotes both Christianity and whiteness, so the reason they do not like Catholics is because Catholicism is associated with immigrants (non-whites). The KKK’s instrumental view of Christianity itself exposes the fact that Christianity is really just a cover for a philosophy at their core which is very anti-christian, anti-human: white supremacy.
In Hawaii, the word “haole” means “outsider” but it has morphed to mean “white person.” In general, it is a derogatory term used to distance the haole from the rest.
Kaleo September 1990
The Washington Post publishes these stats, which have been used by both sides of the argument.
As I stated in a previous piece, thousands of individuals who were arrested for looting and violence during the BLM/Antifa riots were let go because they were “protesting” and therefore, exercising their civil liberties. How absurd is that?
In graduate school, I quickly learned that histories that come out of ethnic studies, cultural studies, etc, are engaged in creating narratives, just as they accuse white folks of doing. They too, occasionally leave out certain details and twist events just to fit their story. But to point any of that out is absolutely taboo.
I remember being at a conference where Yuji Ichioka told a large audience that in his research years ago, he had discovered documents that confirmed the idea that there were Japanese spies in America during WWII. He then said he did not include it in any of his works at the time because it was counter-productive in the push for justice and reparations for Japanese Americans who were taken to internment camps. When I asked him how he could cover up the truth for political advantage, he got angry and said, “I’m not a fool.”